Only 5 days to go.
My mom appologized.
I made Pete laugh this morning.
I'm really bothered by the fact that I am not able to even purchase a sympathy card for my husband when he is obviously so sad. And it's really weird how some "friends" are so rude and insenstive about loss. My friend Leslie's grandmother died two days after Pete's. While she and I were talking she brought up a good point about how, with the death of an older person the general public are so insensitive and if they say anything at all often say assinine shit like, "Oh well, at least she led a nice looong life." Umm, yeah. It was still a PERSON who was INSTRUMENTAL in others LIVES and it still HURTS. Thanks for the hot tip though. I don't care if they were old! Some old people are more alive than the average 20 year old punk on the street. Most of them certainly contribute more to society, their families and the community at large.
...I don't know WTH I'm going with this. I'm going to stop it before I even get started. I guess I'm just equally hormonally infuriated and crushed by ... a lot of things ... right now. I guess I am just expecting too much. And that is definitely MY mistake.
On the otherhand, I finally recieved a letter of appology (more like a 10 word note-but still) from my old friend in Tahoe. It said one of her resolutions was not to take advantage of her friends anymore and she hoped she would recieve a picture of the baby when it arrived. Her note, any words at all after all these years, really meant a lot to me. And just when I had given up on her. I think that might be the key to a lot of things. Have no expectations, give up, let it all go. Only then can you be pleasantly surprised, right?
Our old dog Willy has been choking/barfing incessantly for about two hours straight now.
Outside it's raining and sunny at the same time right now...Isn't that appropriate?
We move along the earth, among the shadows in the dirt.
We glide along the shore, atop the eagle's back we soar.
We fall amoungst the stars, down the river's spine we roar.
We stir admist the morning dew in gentle light we glow.
To exist is nothing much with out the love and touch of you.
You can be most anyone, so long as you make me one too.
Surrounded in a hollow world, an echo in my soul.
Enveloped in a gentle fold, you arms my pillowed hole.
All the world is love and light
with cold hard blackness down below.
Where you choose to rest your head
is where you're shown to go.
Is this life a waste of time,
or is it something more?
A instant of shared devine,
The rapid hearts of two.
Leave me not in wet treacherous wallowed sorrow,
Pick me up and carry me in your arms to see tomorrow.
Give me hope, touch my skin, hear me speak, help me follow.
From you, life's breath I'll gingerly borrow.
Happy Birthday to my "little" brother, Andy! He's twenty-four years old.
Tomorrow is the third anniversary of my dog SmAshley's passing. She was a pitX, my best buddy, and she went everywhere with me. I got her for my 16th birthday from a girlfriend in Tahoe. I got first pick of the litter and I chose her cause she was the only black one out of ten puppies. She lived for 16 years. She did amazing things. Like one night I left her at home for some reason, and she walked all the way across Santa Cruz in the middle of the night, from High St. to the ocean end of Seabright to find me at a party at my boyfriend's house. She just walked right in to the living room at like 2am, and blew our minds. I have tons of stories like that about her. My friends gave me a gorgeous purple orchid when she died and it blooms every year at this time. It has two beautiful stalks on it right now. I still miss her, my best friend, so very much.
You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on.
Heh Heh Heh.
Yesterday when P and I got back to Santa Cruz we went directly to the West Side to collect tags & time cards from two of our jobs. On our way through town to eat lunch afterward we drove by an older woman who was standing on the middle of the sidewalk with a black dress on which was hiked up over her knees. She was just standing there peeing on the sidewalk, creating a giant puddle right between her legs. All the while she had the most giant smile on her face I have ever seen.
...And here I thought *I* would pee anywhere...
Are you humbly grateful? Or grumbly hateful?